It just is not fair

I am trying to understand it.  I really am.  I still can not wrap my head around the fact that I have 3 (full) siblings and none of them have a problem with weight or with food. I am the only one who won that fun little lottery.  It isn't fair. 

I am 5 months post op now. I KNOW that if I let things slip...even a little...I can and WILL gain back every pound.  I CAN eat just about anything now. I struggle. Am I supposed to admit that?  I am hungry, so very hungry sometimes. I want to eat. I want sooooo much to eat. I want that old numb feeling again. I want that relaxing high that binging can bring. But I don't.  I won't. 

Is it taboo that I talk about this?  Is is wrong to admit that I want to eat?  I am trying, fighting, struggling.

My life is so good right now. It really is. But that monkey on my back is still there. I want to be honest. Food is still my drug of choice. I have resisted so far...but I am scared.  It just is not fair.