Superbowl?

Superbowl Sunday is upon us. In just a few days time people everywhere will be enjoying the game, the food, the drinks.  Not me.  I will be in Tahoe.....LIVING.  I could honestly not care less about football.  The Superbowl has never been about football for me.  Superbowl is about the party. It has always just been a day of excess for me. I used it as an excuse to eat insane amounts of really bad food and get drunk.  Yep, that has been my M.O. for Superbowl Sunday for as long as I can remember.

But this year I will be on a snowmobile that day, exploring Tahoe.  Then I will be snowboarding and enjoying the hot springs. 5 days of fun. I am excited. No need to eat or drink in excess, because I have new ways to have fun. It is pretty awesome to be me right now, it really is.

By the way....my husband is rooting for the 49ers.  I am rooting for a shopping spree after our snowmobile tour.  :)

It just is not fair

I am trying to understand it.  I really am.  I still can not wrap my head around the fact that I have 3 (full) siblings and none of them have a problem with weight or with food. I am the only one who won that fun little lottery.  It isn't fair. 

I am 5 months post op now. I KNOW that if I let things slip...even a little...I can and WILL gain back every pound.  I CAN eat just about anything now. I struggle. Am I supposed to admit that?  I am hungry, so very hungry sometimes. I want to eat. I want sooooo much to eat. I want that old numb feeling again. I want that relaxing high that binging can bring. But I don't.  I won't. 

Is it taboo that I talk about this?  Is is wrong to admit that I want to eat?  I am trying, fighting, struggling.

My life is so good right now. It really is. But that monkey on my back is still there. I want to be honest. Food is still my drug of choice. I have resisted so far...but I am scared.  It just is not fair.

New Years 2013

So, a new year has begun.  I didn't really set any resolutions this year, but I did set some goals. I honestly can not tell you what the difference is but I am sure that there is a difference.  2012 was a big year for me, a life changing year.  2012 started with me in a hospital bed. I spent 7 days in that hospital bed. It was that hospital bed that helped me on my way to gastric bypass.  This year started infinitely better.

So, on to my goals for this brand new year.

1. I will run a 5k.   I hate running. I find nothing about it fun. So why am I planning a 5k? Because I CAN. I am going to run a 5k just because I can, when for so long I could not. Might sound crazy to some...but some of you will completely understand.

2. I will make fitness in general a bigger part of my life.  I have taken up snowboarding. I am riding my bike again. Yesterday I even played tennis. My goal is to be active.

3. I will rock the WLSFA meet and greet in Las Vegas this coming May.  I have already gotten my ticket, the hotel room is booked.

4. Goal weight!  I could lie and say it doesn't matter....but it does.  Will I cry if it does not happen? No. But I am putting it on my goal list for the year. 

5. Have an amazing 33rd birthday party.

6. Be ready to start working on a new baby near the end of the year. My surgeon only requires that I wait 12 months before getting pregnant. August 10th will be 12 months.  I would however like to enjoy my September birthday first...so thinking sometime between October and December.

That is all I think. I tried to keep my list short and to the point. Well...I would also like to do better with my blog. I don't post nearly enough. So lets add that to the list....

7. Spend more time on my blog!

And that is all.  Happy New year!