The struggle

We all start out thinking we are NEVER going to give in to temptation again. We are ALWAYS going to get in our protein and our water. We are not going to be like those people who have surgery and then cheat.  It is a nice dream...but alas, it is a dream.

I am great with food 96% of the time.  I get in my protein, I drink my water, I do not eat junk.  Then there is that 4%.  The shameful 4%.  I went a little crazy on cookies last week. If I only eat one every few hours I don't dump.  I am actually really ashamed that I know this fun little fact.  I shouldnt know that, but I do.  So I ate cookies.  In my defense I am not usually one who is into sweets at all. I prefer salty and savory. But I have had a crazy hardcore craving for sweets lately.  The doctor thinks it is related to my recent sleep issues and I tend to agree.  I struggled with this last week.  Then I realized I was getting in 8-16 oz of water a day. Not nearly enough. Then I got lazy and started eating at odd hours and not logging  my food.  It was insanity.  It only lasted for 2-3 days, but that was long enough.

After my little experiment in stupidity last week I stalled. Am I suprised? Heck no.  At least I did not gain, that is a small blessing. So I had to get back on track. 

My struggle now is that voice in my head that says "well, you already messed up for the day...so why not have one more cookie?".  This is the "diet" voice. The one that helped me diet my way all the way up to 350 pounds. I know better.  So this week my focus is to shut that voice up, eat better, drink my water, and not let that 4% knock me down.

In reality I don't think any of us are going to be perfect 100% of the time.  But I am not going to use that to justify my bad behavior. Instead I am going to love myself and get over it.  I am moving on. But it is a struggle. I will be happy when Christmas is over and people stop giving me cookies.  Speaking of which...everyone KNOWS I had surgery.  I dont understand why this year so many people brought me cookies. I have never had so many sweets in my house at one time.   :)